Our Lives on the Screen
by Dude-It's-Sam-Not-Sammy
Summary: They say writing letters to people is a good form of therapy, even if they never get them. These are the letters that never made it to their respective owners. pre-series and on. Chapter 6 now up!
1. Dean's Life on the Screen

A/N: Letters that never made it to their rightful owners. Enjoy! R&R!

Disclaimer: Don't own, no money, no sue

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_"And when the lights all went out, we watched our lives on the screen..."_

_- Disenchanted, My Chemical Romance_

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Dear Dad, 

I wish I had the guts to tell you this in person instead of writing a letter I know you'll never get. I know you and Sammy had some major… disagreements, for lack of a better word, in the past, but you knew Sam was never one to leave well enough alone. Ever since he was able to speak, he started asking that one word question that seemed to cause trouble, why. Why is the sky blue? Why don't we have a mommy? Why do we keep moving? Why is daddy never here? Why do I have to hunt? Why can't we be normal? Why can't I go to college? The point is, Sam was and still is never satisfied until he has the truth. It's also the same reason you two fight more than cats and dogs.

No matter how much you try to deny it, you and Sammy are more alike than you think. Pigheaded and stubborn, the both of you. Of course those are also the famous Winchester traits, but you two take it to the extreme. You both want it done your way, but that can't happen. It's either one or the other and neither of you are willing to back down until it's settled with your way winning. That's what happened today when Sam told you he was going to college. When you told him that if he walked out that door that he better not come back, I think he was shocked. I was shocked. He knew you were going to be upset, believe me he told me earlier, but I don't think he was expecting, I don't I was expecting, you to say that. Like I said, I wish I had the guts to tell you to call him. He thinks you hate him. You told him to stay gone and you know he will, which is why you said it; after all, if he came back freely it would be saying to him that you were right, and you know how much he loves proving you wrong.

The point is, I know you're not mad at Sam or at least want to be. I wish I could be mad at him too, for leaving. But he's my little brother and no matter what he does, (short of painting the Impala pink), I'll always love him, even if I don't say it as often as I should. I know you love him too, (even if he is a pain in the ass sometimes), but Sam doesn't. He needs to hear it to believe it. Call him, leave rock salt outside his dorm, hell just do something to let him know you care that he's gone. I wish I could. Then again, I don't even have the nerve to give you this letter, let alone confront Sammy. Just goes to show how much use I am.

-_Dean W._

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	2. Sam's Life on the Screen

A/n: Chapter 2 is Sam's POV. Enjoy!

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_"It was a lie when they smiled  
And said, "you won't feel a thing"..."_

_-Disenchanted, My Chemical Romance_

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Dear Dean, 

I hope you aren't made at me. You seemed pretty angry when I left. I know the brunt of that anger was directed at dad, (or at least I hope it was and not me) but I couldn't ignore, couldn't miss the hurt on your face when I walked out that door. I never even said goodbye. You deserve more than that, more than me…

You were always there for me since the word go and you never complained. Not once, because you knew at the end of the day, it was worth it. I don't know why, but you never gave up on me. I never thanked you enough for that. I guess you don't know what you got till it's gone. Then the icing on the cake; I left. I packed my bags and walked out that room. For that reason alone you should be mad at me, I wouldn't blame you. Guess I deserve it.

I wish I could call you, tell you all of this, instead of taking the easy way out. Writing a letter, that I know will never get to you, doesn't exactly solve anything, I know. I hate the fact that dad practically disowned me; I hate that dad said for me to stay gone. I hate him for making me stay away from you.

I know you won't call or visit me. You were always the perfect son to dad, always followed his orders without question. Sometimes I wish I could have been like that. I would kill to get just half of the looks of pride he gives you when his orders are followed, instead of the disappointment evident on his face when I don't agree.

By now he probably told you to just let me go, and no matter how much it'll hurt you, you'll listen; partly because dad said so, but mostly because you want to. Because if you came after me, it would mean we'd have to talk, because you wouldn't know what to say, because I wouldn't know what to say. We'll just file it away under one of the great Winchester moments and that will be that. You'll go your way and I'll go mine unless you really need some help or you're hurt. Though I hope it won't be the latter.

-_S. Winchester_

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	3. The Trickster's Life on the Screen

A/n: The Tricksters pov (in case you're behind, set after Mystery Spot but before Changing Channels)

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"And as we ran from the cops, _

_we laughed so hard it would sting." –Disenchanted, My Chemical Romance_

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Dear Sam & Dean Winchester,

Oh, the trouble you two seem to get in to. You boys have got one hell of a ride to look forward to. All pun intended, thank you very much. Things are going to get messy, complicated, and will make your life now seem like a waltz in the park. Sunday dinner with the folks; and you've managed to drag me back into that. Oh, I know all this doesn't make sense right now, but it will.

I mean come on, I've been a Trickster longer than you could possibly imagine. Doing what I do best for ages, then you two mutton-heads show up and wham! All my hard work served up on a sliver patter, to no less than Sam and Dean Winchester. The very two people who I've spent the better part of the last three decades trying to avoid. Talk about a very cruel and unusual twist of fate.

Now I know I can't blame either of you for any of this (you both had more than a couple of your strings yanked around in your lives) but that don't mean I can't bitch. Now I'm screwed by association and ain't that a kick in the pants. Because in the end, it's just a matter of time before my game's up and I'm forced out of WitSec. But whatever, I'm more than capable of laying low. For now, at least. The world's headed for Hell in a hand basket and this letter's going straight to the waste basket. But hey, at least we'll always have Florida.

_- Loki/The Trickster_


	4. Castiel's Life on the Screen

A/n: Set some time after Jump the Shark but right before The Rapture.

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"_Well, I was there on the day they sold the cause_

_For the queen…"_

– _Disenchanted, My Chemical Romance_

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Sam and Dean,

It is strange, unusual even, to see the both of you fight so hard for something with such little odds. You say that you have no faith, yet you fight for others so they may have a second chance at life. Both of you are… broken. And flawed. Nonetheless, you believe in each other, in family and the strength that it holds. You fight to save something, to hold on to, what I can not yet understand, but you fight with assurance.

I find myself… confused. Unsure of my role, my purpose, in this plan that has been given to me. For the first time, I am conflicted over orders that I am expected to follow and what I have both seen and experienced here during my time on Earth. I want to believe that I am doing the right thing, helping the both of you. But I do not know anymore, what is right and what is wrong or which direction I am headed.

I suppose writing this letter is meant to help me feel… better. I was doubtful, at first, at the usefulness of such a basic, human task. I feel that I should apologize to you Sam, for thinking so little of your suggestion. It has required me to contemplate on matters that lately, I have seemed to ignore.

I have come to see, that if I am to help, then I must lend my assistance completely. To inform you of the truth, what the true plan is. It has taken me much to effort come to this decision, but I believe it to be the right one. I only pray that it is not too late.

_Castiel_


	5. Sam's Life on the Screen Part 2

**A/n:** Set in Swan Song, before Sam says "Yes" but after the conversation in the Impala.

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"_I hate the ending myself,  
But it started with an alright scene._

– _Disenchanted, My Chemical Romance_

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Dear Dean,

I know I haven't been the best brother to you lately. It seems I'm making a habit out of making one bad choice after another. You don't deserve that. You've been nothing but a good brother to me and you never asked for anything in return. I owe you _everything_. I know what you'd say to that. That you're my brother, and it's your job, and that I don't owe you anything. I want you to be happy, Dean. So this whole plan, me jumping in to the cage, I don't want you to blame yourself, because it isn't your fault. It's my choice, and if there is anything that I can do to end this, to _try_ to make up for all the mistakes I've made in the last two years, I have to take it. I owe it to you, to at least try.

Back in Broward County, there was something I never told you. After that Tuesday, when I figured out who was behind the time loop, it was Wednesday. You died that day, and time didn't reset. I spent the next six months looking for Gabriel, hunting him down, and when I finally found him; do you know what he said to me? That there was a lesson I had to learn, that no matter what I do, I couldn't save you. I'm not sure how right he was about that. Maybe he was and I just couldn't… _can't_ accept that. But there was one thing he said that I know he was right about. He said you're my weakness and the bad guys know it. They really do, Dean. So in the Impala, when I said don't try to save me, I meant it. Don't. Don't give them the opportunity to screw with your life, because even if it doesn't seem like it now, you will have one after I'm gone. I'm going to make sure of that, I promise. As crazy as this might sound, I think everything's going to be alright, or at least it will be.

You know, it's funny, Gabriel also said that this whole sacrificing ourselves for each other, would be the death of me. If he were still alive, I bet he would've laughed at the irony… then brag about being right.

_- S. Winchester_


	6. Gabriel's Life on the Screen

**A/n:** Set after Changing Channels. Plus a fan vid to go a long with my Our Lives on the Screen series. Here's the link, just take out the spaces:

w w w . youtube . c o m /watch?v=0l7kfmOSLb8

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"_So go, go away, just go, run away.  
But where did you run to? And where did you hide?  
Go find another way, price you pay."_

_- Disenchanted, My Chemical Romance_

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Dear Dean,

I've been on Earth for a while. Long enough to recognize when I have a good thing going. Well, had thanks to you two, but that's beside the point. I spent a lot of time dishing out just desserts, always dealing with the less brighter side of humanity. It's been few and far in between that I've dealt with people who didn't have it coming in some way or another. Then you Winchester's showed up and pretty much ignored any set rules and even starting making up some of your own. I'd be a liar if I said that I don't admire that. So yeah, I might have forgotten that there are a lot of people out there who are worth a lot more than what I've been seeing. And maybe, _maybe _you and your brother helped me remember that.

I ran. When the going got tough, I got going. I'm not proud of it and maybe it wasn't the best choice, but it's what I did. I love my brothers, all of them. Even Castiel, despite his freakish social awkwardness (and his patented "I'm-not-angry-just-disappointed" look). So when this whole mess started, I didn't want to have anything to do with it. I didn't want to be pulled in to a fight that brought nothing but pain. And yeah, I don't want to have to be the one to tell my brothers to suck it up and deal.

It isn't often I say this, Dean. So savor it. You were right. Maybe I am afraid to stand up to my family. And maybe I should be. There ain't any rules against it, but don't mean I shouldn't at least try to do the right thing. Even if it means ruffling a few feathers, possibly literally in this case.

I guess it wouldn't hurt for me to be a bit more helpful, after all, I do owe you for not leaving me in that warehouse, and I repay my debts. Knowing your recent run of luck, I won't even have to wait that long. You and Sam attract more trouble than the trouble's worth. Just do us _both_ a favor and _try_ not to get yourselves or my little bro killed.

_- Gabriel/The Trickster/Loki/A-lot-of-other-names-that's-probably-best-you-don't-know_


End file.
